When I started this blog, I had planned on using it in part to write about my revision process and the trials and tribulations that go with that. That’s still the plan, but it’s super hard to do when you’re not actually doing much revising.
So here’s the first update for you all:
I’m taking a break from revising my novel until graduation.
It’s going to be really, really hard considering the fact that I think about my characters and how to better write them into the novel’s scenes every damn day. Plus, I’m always just looking at their character boards and enjoying their existence in my brain. I’m never not thinking about my novel, to be honest.
But it has to be done. I’m currently taking 19 credit hours and holding two jobs, and each class I’m in involves a group project that I have to meet for. It’s exhausting, and expecting myself to work on my book on top of that is just…it’s unrealistic.
I think there’s this expectation I have for myself to write no matter what, as if I’m not a real writer if I take a break and focus on something else. I always see quotes about not being meant for this profession if you’re not capable of waking up early and going to sleep late as you juggle writing on top of all of your other responsibilities.
But of course I’m a real writer. I mean…did I not just say I think about my characters every damn day? I’m a writer, but I’m a writer with a mental illness.
I need to take care of myself during these last few weeks of the semester, when I have a million things due at once. I need to get sleep and to take the little free time I have to relax.
And while I love writing, revision is not relaxing. There’s just something about the fact that the final product ultimately affects my future that is really unsettling. Hm. I don’t know.
I digress. What I’m trying to say is: sometimes writers can’t handle working on their novel on top of all of their other responsibilities, and that’s perfectly okay. They’re still writers.
As Confucius once said, “It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop.”
It’ll only be a few more weeks, and then I’ll be back at it. Until then, you can probably find me crying into a bowl of mashed potatoes as I write my third ten-page paper.